Lame excuses & big challenges

I had a revelation today. Mainly due to a train of thought which started with reading and thinking about this this post. I never considered myself as being a happy person. For a long time, I saw myself as a person which was mainly driven by emotions. Emotions which control me, control my actions, control what I'm capable of at a given point in time.

It's no secret that the major part of my life at the moment consists of AIESEC. Being president in an LC that faces many many challenges, due to the fact that we've been growing at an incredible pace over the last couple of months, is not that easy ;). A lot of things have to be handled differently than 2 1/2 years ago when I joined AIESEC. No matter how much effort I put into improving the situation, overcoming the challenges, failure was, and still is, a daily companion. Of course I felt miserable from time to time and I became afraid of the consequences of my actions; and not many positive things were created out of afraid people's minds. I refused to accept that I have the ability to control my emotions, control "fear" and eliminate the "energy-sucking" it leads to. Therefore, I always had an excuse for a lack of energy: "Well, it's caused by someting I can not control". Of course, our bodies have limited capacity /energy but I think what causes my current lack of energy is not that my body starts reacting in a certain way to the constant level of stress I'm facing. No, it's because I LET myself get stuck in negative emotions. That means, that my most productive and most active times are when everything is going right. It's like an upward-, or in the negative case a downward spiral. However, the upward-spiral is much easier to destroy that the downward.

I'm really convinced now that I have to overcome these "processes" in order to lead a happy life. I will no longer refuse the fact that I can control my emotions, and by that I mean control over how to react to external events that happen. I believed that what ever happend, happend for a reason and that I'm not able to interrupt the "chain of effects" a specific happening might have. I will no longer refuse it and therefore, becoming fully responsible for my state of mind and my actions.